New blog focus

Hello my lovely readers,

I have to apologize for my lack of posts: to you, but mostly to myself. Here I am 5 months into this year and I’ve written hardly any posts (far less than the 44 I should have written by now to keep up with my silly new years resolution). Apart from being busy and uninspired, I haven’t written because I didn’t really know what the overall direction of this blog was. There’s no theme other than just random thoughts, and that’s about as demotivating as when a teacher asks students to write about anything.

So, in the hopes of inspiring me to write more, I’m changing all that. I had an idea this morning at 5:30 while cuddling in bed with my boyfriend who promptly fell asleep. (This is a sign that it’s a good idea, I’m convinced.) The idea is themed days. Each day has a catchy theme that I can write something related to. If I want to write about something not on my day I can easily queue it up for the relevant day, and if I know I want to write on any given day, I’ll have a lovely theme at my fingertips for inspiration.

So, here are the categories (courtesy of my strangely wide-awake 5:30AM mind):

• Spiritual Sunday – all things related to religion, spirituality, and skepticism
• Miscellaneous Monday – anything that doesn’t fit anywhere else
• Travel Tuesday – details on my travel adventures and hopes for new travels
• Wishful Wednesday – thoughts about where I wish the world or my life was going, or where I’m excited that it is going
• Thoughtful Thursday – thoughts about psychology, personality, and other mind-related topics
• Foodie Friday – anything related to healthy or delicious eating, and maybe some health and fitness thrown in
• Speakable Saturday – all about languages

I think my 5:30AM mind came up with some gems. 🙂

So, since today is Saturday, look for a brief Speakable Saturday tidbit coming soon!

Update: I went through all my old posts and tried to roughly categorize them into the new themed days. So while they weren’t all written on their designated day, it can give you an idea of what kind of stuff to expect on each day.

Traipsing through Europe

I’m just over halfway through my last hurrah journeying through Europe before my return to the States. It has been a fun trip so far! We started in Rome, passed through to Naples, took a day trip to Pompeii, then flew over to Venice. We’ve just arrived in Milan for a short stopover before heading to Switzerland and Germany and then back to Prague. It has been amazing, just what I’ve always dreamed of doing. We’ve eaten sooo much delicious Italian food!! And we’ve seen some unforgettable things.

I remember being a kid and wanting to go to Europe as soon as I saw pictures of it and heard about how fascinating and beautiful and full of history and culture it is. I had a dream to come out here and so I worked hard, and I went and did it. I studied for a semester in Barcelona and took some trips from there. Then I graduated, saved some money, and moved to Prague. Living in Prague has been an adventure and I’ve taken a few trips and seen a lot. Then my boyfriend and I decided to go back to the United States so we had to take one last trip before we went so far away that European travels would become a much more significant expense.

Having a dream (in my case, living and traveling in Europe for an extended time period) and fulfilling that dream is something everyone should strive for. I’ve worked hard to get here. But it makes me feel a bit guilty to know that not everyone has that opportunity. That’s the problem about going to big cities: in every big city there are homeless people asking for money on the streets… And here I am spending more money than I’ve spent in my life; money that was well-earned, yes, but still it’s hard to not see my privilege when it’s in front of my face everyday.

I read an interesting article the other day about panhandlers, but I find it difficult to follow in a foreign country when I don’t speak the language. I’ve felt the same way in Prague too. I think from here on out I need to focus on recognizing the people I see and know that they have a story, and they have dreams too. At the same time, though, I’m not rich, and if I gave to every person I saw, I wouldn’t be able to live this dream I have. I can’t help others by undercutting myself: that kind of attitude isn’t sustainable and leads in all likelihood to bitterness and regret.

So as I look towards the end of my stay in Europe, I’m glad to know I’ve done something good for myself: I’ve achieved a long-standing goal. I think my next big goal, though, should be about something bigger than myself. Traveling and widening my horizons is great, and I know I’ll be doing it for the rest of my life. But I’ve found that life is more fulfilling when you’re doing something for someone else. Maybe my next goal will be helping someone else reach theirs.

4 Reasons living abroad isn’t always so great

This article is in response to this article about living abroad, “4 Ways Living Abroad Changes You… Forever”, which celebrates the great things living abroad can do for you, and honestly, all I could think of was that I was expecting it to do all these things for me, and it didn’t quite cut it.

It’s funny because, as is clear from the title of this blog and from anyone that knows me, traveling has been what I wanted to do for a long time. I wanted to pack up and travel or even move somewhere else in the world ever since I was a little kid. Ever since my dad took a business trip to Belgium when I was in elementary school, maybe even before then, I wanted to go and explore. And finally, I did. I went to Mexico on a couple service trips. I went to Barcelona to study abroad. And it was wonderful. And I had terrible reverse culture shock when I came back. Everything for me had been new and exciting, and when I came back everything was boring and the same.

That reverse culture shock is how I ended up here in the Czech Republic. I couldn’t stay away from Europe. I wanted to travel, live abroad, learn about a new culture and language, and teach English, so here I am. And of course it was exciting at first. Even now, sometimes I look around me and am just struck by how amazing it is to be living in a place far away from home with so much beauty and mystery. But other times, I think I’ve learned my lesson: when you want something so bad all your life and you get it, it’s not all you’d hoped it would be. Nothing can be as perfect as you can dream it to be, especially when you have an imaginative and optimistic mind.

Without further ado, here’s my list of 4 reasons why living abroad isn’t always sunshine and rainbows:

You feel like an idiot about a hundred times a day.
It’s more than just the language barrier, although that certainly makes it so much worse. Even the smallest requests from passersby or shop assistants or restaurant workers are usually impossible to understand. But even aside from that, you’re entering a place where everyone else has grown up learning the unspoken social rules and already know how to do everything they need to, what the best and worst toiletries and food items are, and where to buy exactly what they need. As a foreigner, you know none of that. So it’s usually trial and error and frustration. If you try to ask a local for help, if they by some chance can communicate with you, they think you’re stupid for not knowing something that seems obvious to them. Of course there are expat websites for these questions, but it seems like I have more questions than I’d ever have time to find answers for. And at the end of the day, I just have to put up with the fact that here I’m the stupid foreigner who doesn’t know how to redeem my glass bottles or pick up my mail or buy medicine or send a money order or (insert mundane, seemingly obvious task here).

You miss out on important events from your friends at home.
I’m in my twenties, which means every season is wedding season for my friends and family. People are getting married and having kids left and right, my adorable nieces are walking and talking and growing older every day, people are graduating and celebrating and continuing with their lives, all without me. I knew this would be the cost of moving away, but some days I just wish that I could be home to show the people I love how much I care about them by celebrating with them, not just skyping after or before the fact.

Short trips are a pain when you don’t have a car.
I wanted to go to Europe because there are so many interesting places so close to each other. Drive a couple hours from Prague and you could be in Germany or Poland or Austria or Slovakia, and increase that to 5-10 hours, and you could see almost anywhere in Europe. But the problem is that without a car, you’re limited to places with public transportation. Which means you have to plan a bus or a train or some other form of transport, plan how to get from the station to the tourist attractions, and walk a lot and most likely get lost. That means picking up and going somewhere for a weekend trip is actually a big ordeal, requiring a lot of planning that we don’t usually have the time or energy to do. So, in my 8 months here, I’ve been on very few trips and seen very little other than Prague, even though those places to see are just beyond the horizon, teasing me with how close but how far they are.

Minor inconveniences aren’t worth fixing.
If you know you’re only living abroad for a couple years or less, it doesn’t seem worth it to spend money improving your quality of life. Buying a couch or a TV or a more comfortable mattress, or anything else that could make life just a bit nicer, is too expensive and too big to pack up in that suitcase to go back home, and it’s such a hassle to sell it all before you leave. You end up spending a lot of time trying to convince yourself “It’s only a few more months, it’s not a big deal”, and longing for days when you can finally settle down and have a more permanent existence.

As an optimist, I hate to leave this article on such a negative note. Living abroad has challenged me in wonderful ways, caused me to learn so much about myself, and left me with countless unforgettable memories and experiences. But as I remember how excited I was during the days and months leading up to my trip and compare those emotions with how I feel now, there’s a bit of a disconnect, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. It isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it in the end.

So what about you? What do you hate or love about living abroad?

Saying Goodbye, Part 1

Today was my last day teaching half of my kids at English club (an afterschool program for Czech kids with low-level English). I teach the other half next Monday, and then I’ll be done.

Of course I’m excited to have some extra time in my schedule, as well as less frustration and exhaustion, but, as I said in my recent post, I’m going to be sad also. It’s always hard to say goodbye, even when leaving a place that is stressful and difficult.

And it’s even harder when children are involved. Don’t get me wrong, some of the kids seemed almost excited that I was leaving. One kid grinned and said “See you zero times”, meaning something along the lines of “I’ll never see you again” as he was leaving, but it made me smile anyway. Some of the other kids, especially the girls, were hugging me for a large part of the class, and I was too much of a softy to tell them not to. Some begged me not to go. Others were completely indifferent. Two kids gave me a box of delicious chocolates, one of which I happily devoured when I got home tonight. 🙂

All in all, I have to say my parting with this job is bittersweet. While in the middle of it, I didn’t quite see the sweet, mostly only the bitter. But now I know I’ve learned some valuable lessons from the whole thing. For example…

1. If you’re going to teach kids, you have to be strict, at least at first. Everyone told me this, but it still bit me in the butt because I couldn’t follow it. Strictness doesn’t come naturally to me. More natural to me is forgiveness and leniency, which may be good for adult relationships, but not as good when you’re the only authority in a room full of children.
2. You have to forgive yourself for small “failures”. I’m a perfectionist, so this part was hard for me. Teaching kids is a lot of trial and error, and some days it’s more error than you’re comfortable with. But it’s all about picking yourself up and trying again next time.
3. Going along with the last one is learning to chill out and go with the flow. My lessons never seemed to go as I’d planned them, but eventually I learned that I have to take it as it comes, and consider each moment when someone is speaking or responding appropriately to English as a small success.
4. Knowing some of the children’s L1 goes a looong way. This was definitely motivation to study Czech when I got the chance.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll ever be a ESL teacher in a children’s classroom again, but after all, I came to Prague to learn what I can and can’t handle when it comes to teaching English. Sometimes it takes a challenge to learn your limits. And here I am, having survived and conquered this challenge, and wow, does it feel good. 🙂

The upside of teaching English to low-level kids

Next Monday is my last day teaching English to kids at an afterschool program. It has been a stretching and challenging job for me, and it was the right time to move on.

Despite the fact that I had my reasons for wanting to quit, now that it’s getting closer to the end, it’s easier for me to be positive about the experience. It wasn’t all bad, and here are some of the highlights and memories that make me a bit sad to leave it all behind:

– The little victories I feel when I’m actually able to understand what the kids are saying to me in Czech. I still have a lot of problems understanding and speaking Czech with strangers, but I’ve gotten so much better understanding basic sentences (most of all “muzu na zachod”, which means “can I use the bathroom”) that the kids say. Definitely a confidence booster for my Czech ability.
– The excitement in some kids’ faces when they come up before class to show me something new they have and try to say it in English.
– When one of the kids accidentally called me Ms. Christmas instead of Ms. Kristen when we were learning about Christmas.
– When my forth and fifth graders tried to teach me Czech and laughed at my attempt to pronounce difficult words.
– Some of the kids brought me Christmas presents! I only see them once a week for 45 minutes, so I wasn’t expecting anything.
– The struggles of my first graders to understand and say the difference between “three” and “tree” and their general tongue confusion when trying to make the “th” sound.
– Everyone thinks “blue” and “glue” sound exactly the same.
– That moment when someone finally understands something I’ve been trying to explain and they say “ohh takhle!” (Which means ohh that way!).
– The smart kids who save my lesson by translating what I say to the kids who are completely lost.
– My sixth and seventh graders’ unshakable obsession with pizza, dragons, and pizza dragons (whatever that means).

Maybe I’ll keep adding to the list over my last few lessons just to remind me that it has been a good run. Teaching English to groups of kids without knowing their native language is not for everyone and it’s not without its challenges, but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t had it’s share of fun, rewarding, and comical moments.

Back to reality

Today marked the end of my vacation: over two weeks off from work. In my entire employed history, I don’t think I’ve ever had that long off in a row. Being between jobs or on break from school is one thing, but in those cases my return to work marked new beginnings that meant excitement mixed with nervousness, which definitely led to an adrenaline boost.

This time, however, I had two weeks off and then I had to go back to everything as it had been. Not fun. I guess it’s all part of adult life and growing up. But wow it sucks. 

On a positive note, my boyfriend got back late this morning and tonight we relaxed with a pizza and caught up a bit, plus we had Christmas! A bit late, perhaps, but it’s the second half. The larger second half, that is. Goodies from the US and presents and good wishes from our far away families.

The smorgasbord of presents and special hard-to-find items from the US.

I finally started to feel like Christmas didn’t pass me by this year, despite the fact that the actual date was nearly 2 weeks ago. What does a date on the calendar really mean anyway? Jesus most likely wasn’t born in December, so it’s arbitrary, really.

This has been a weird holiday season for me so I’m kind of glad it’s over and done with. But I’m grateful for the love I can feel from my family and friends even from across the ocean. And I’m looking forward to being reunited with them sometime in the next year.

Friendship and love: they’re two of the only things that can make life’s difficulties not feel so bad. 🙂

Alone

As an introvert who has always lived with people I cared about, I have a love-hate relationship with being alone, especially on days when I have nothing scheduled to do. On the one hand, I’m usually more productive because I can’t just sit around and talk to myself all day (well, I could, but I usually feel like a deadbeat weirdo if I do). On the other hand, I feel like something is missing.

Day 1 of my boyfriend being in the US while I’m here in Prague. I went with him to the airport for his early morning flight, came home and slept, wrote some emails, did a lot of laundry, made lunch/dinner and went shopping for important things. All in all, a pretty productive day. I think I could get into this no-work, alone at home vacation thing.

But I miss snuggling. 😦

Christmas on the other side of the world

As I wrote in one of my previous posts, I am currently living in Prague, Czech Republic. I had an itching sense of adventure, and so here I am. I never expected to feel so lonely though. Especially around the holidays.

This year is the third time that I have been away from my parents on Christmas, and not because I have a bad relationship with my parents. Quite the contrary, actually. Sure, my parents and I have had our disagreements, as all parents and children do, but overall, I love and support my parents, and they love and support me. I have nothing but positive memories about Christmastime in my childhood. It’s just that I’ve become a constant wanderer, and as much as it thrills me to go to new places, it makes it harder to be with the ones that I care about.

An $800+ plane ticket to the USA is one thing that certainly makes it harder. But it’s not that I’m broke. I could scrape together the money if I wanted, but I feel like going back just to be home for the holidays is kind of a waste considering the reason I came out here anyway. Those $800 can (and will) be spent on seeing the world, on living in a new place, on expanding my horizons and my comfort zone. And while I do understand the reasons for not going home, it’s hard to keep from feeling sad.

Instead of going home this year, my boyfriend and I went to sunny Andalucia, Spain. It was a beautiful trip. I’m very glad we went. But Skyping with my family on Christmas Eve didn’t quite cut it. And the sunny weather and palm trees were a nice retreat from frigid Prague, but they most certainly didn’t give off the Christmas vibe I was longing for.

Christmas, more than anything, is about being with the ones you love. And even though I am with the man that I love the most and I do take comfort in that, I am sad to be away from all the other ones I care about. It really doesn’t feel the same.

So how about you? What are your experiences having holidays away from and/or with your family?

When to end an adventure

So I’ve been living in Prague since May. It’s kind of a long and complicated story about how I ended up here, but to sum it up: I wanted to travel, teach English, and avoid starting a real life and career in the United States.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side, and I must say that’s true for me. You always want what you don’t have. I grew up in the US and it got boring for me, so I wanted to try something new. So here I am.

But I’ve been here since May and it’s not really all I’d hoped it would be. And besides, I’m starting to miss my family and friends. So here comes the question: how do I know it’s time to move on?

I knew this was going to be a temporary adventure, and I never really set a definite time for it to finish. I said something along the lines of, “I’ll come home when either the money runs out or I don’t feel like living there anymore.” Which is actually a terrible plan when I think about it, but hindsight is always 20/20.

The problem is that it’s hard to define either of those terms. So here I am, and I have to decide what’s next. Should I stay a bit longer, hoping that things will get better but knowing that in so doing I’ll continue to miss out on important life events from my friends and family? Or should I go home sooner than I’d planned, assuming that sticking it out will only lead to further loss of money by me and/or my supportive boyfriend, as well as continued frustration?

Living in a foreign country is often as frustrating as it is fascinating, especially when you don’t know the local language very well. And while I do know much more of the language than I did in the beginning, I still am mostly clueless when I hear important announcements on the metro or try to get useful information from a shop assistant or the wait staff or a passerby. And while I am grateful that many people here speak English, it makes me feel quite incompetent when people ask simple questions of me in Czech and I have to put on my stupid clueless face and say, “Anglictina prosim?”

But aside from that, it’s hard to assimilate when you know you’re not staying very long. My lazy self is always telling me: “why bother trying to make friends here when you’ll be leaving before you really get to know them?” And I try to outsmart myself and make friends anyway, but it’s not easy.

All that to say, I’m stuck trying to make up my mind. I’ve already promised to go to my friend’s wedding in March, so that leaves me with essentially 3 options:

1. Leave in March for the wedding and stay in the US for good.
2. Go to the wedding in March and come back for a couple months, then go home for good in May for my other friend’s wedding.
3. Go to the wedding in March but skip the wedding in May and stay until June or July when my visa runs out.

As I briefly mentioned, I am living here with my wonderfully supportive boyfriend, and we’ve been talking through the decision for what seems like an eternity. But we can’t come to a conclusion on our own (mostly because I can’t come to a decision). It was always my idea to come here, and he came along for the ride. So I need to make up my mind so that we can talk it through (some more) and finally make a decision.

So, blogosphere, I know I’ve just started this blog and I don’t have many followers yet, but I’d like to ask your advice. What should I do? How should I decide? Do you have any relevant experience or ideas? Obviously there are a lot more specific details that I haven’t provided, but I’d like an outsider’s opinion to help me decide what to do. Or at least to get my opinion sorted out more clearly.

Thanks for reading! At the very least, writing it all out helps me sort through my thoughts. But of course I’d appreciate feedback as well